-1--
"Khade khade muh kya dekh rahe ho, jaao,
ab to sab ka muh meetha
karna hai."
(standing standing why face you looking, go, now we need to
sweeten
everyone's face)
-2--
"Parameswar ki kripa hai, masterjee"
(who cares how the heck it happened,
just shut up and take advantage of it.)
-3--
Frail girl in white salwar lying on a charpoy, dying of the
hindi
movie script writer's favourite fatal illness... yes,
"Munni ko
blood cayncer ho gaya
hai"
"He bhagwan, meri jaan le le, aur mere beti ki jaan
bacha de"
(hey god, if it's all the same to you, wanna trade my life
for my daughter's?)
By this time, everyone is resigned to the fact that the
daughter
will kick the bucket within the next two minutes, just in time
for daaktarjee to come in and check her pulse... as the
background
singers start clearing their throats for the obligatory
"aaa...aaa... chorus"
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
From this point on, all of the core material (and the
typos) are
Asjeet Lamba's.
Prem! (prem@prem.lbl.gov) has just cleaned it up
a bit for presentation and added a few comments here and
there...
================================================================================
HINDI MOVIE ONELINERS AND PHATTAS
=================================
"SHOLAY" involving GABBAR SINGH (AMZAD KHAN) and
his CHAMCHAS.
GABBAR - Kitne aadami the ?
SAMBHA - Do, Sarkar..
GABBAR - Woh do the aur tum char, Phir bhi tum log wapas aa
gaye...
Haramzado, Gabbar ka
naam mitti main mila diya...
Iskee sazaa milegi, jaroor milegee...
----
GABBAR - Tera kya
hoga, re Sambha ?
SAMBHA - Maine to aapka namak
khaaya hai, Sarkar..
GABBAR - To aab goli bhi kha le...
----
How about this classics scene:
The Hero has just married a very poor girl ( who later
turns out to be
his father's friend's long lost daughter ) and has brought
her home to
introduce to his parents.
Hero: Mala (for lack of a better name), Pitaji ke paon
chuo.
( Mala, touch father's feet)
Mala is bending down to touch the father's feet. Suddenly,
THE FATHER
MOVES BACK TWO STEPS.
Father: Tum is khandan
ki bahu kabhi nahi ban sakti.
( You can never become the daughter-in-law of this house).
Father to Hero: Kamine, tune hamari ijjat ko mitti me mila
diya.
Nikalja is ghar se.
Aaj se tu mera beta nahin aur
me tera baap
nahin. Samajh le ki tera baap mar gaya.
( You have mixed my honour in the mud. Get out of the
house.
From today, you are not my son and neither am I your
father.
Assume that your father is dead.)
----
My, these cliches from Hindi movies sure are fun. Let's
have more of these.
And another classic from "Sholay":
Dharmendra is up on top of the water tower threatening to
commit suicide
and is very drunk.
Down below there are many villagers watching the drama
unfold, and this classic situation involves two of these
fine gentlemen -
G1, and G2.
Dh: Gaon vaalon, mein vahi karoonga jo Heer ne Ranjha ke
liye kiya tha,
Romeo ne Juliet ke
liye kiya tha - sosait, sosait, sossaait (suicide).
G1: Arre bhai, yeh
sossaait kya hota hai?
G2: Arre bhai, jub ungrez marte hain, to usey sossaait
kehte hain!!!!
Hats off to the genius who wrote the dialogues!
----
I don't remember where this came from, but i really like
it. Here is how
it goes:
The villain has the heroine tied to an electric chair with
a long electric
wire leading to a switch.
The villain throws the switch and the electricity
is now shown flowing towards the heroin. The hero is running towards the
heroine racing with electricity to save her, and yes he is
catching up.
The villain at this point shouts to his chamcha: "Charlie voltage baddhao,
electicity jaldee jayegi".
----
The villain has just asked his guys to get hold of Mudassar
Nazar, who
has refused to come to the villain's den.
Sidie: Boss, Mudassar
Nazar nahin aa raha hai.
Villain: Kya? Tumhare
ankhe hai ya button? Phir se dhoondo!
----
Ajit is on the phone to Seth Dharam Prashad, played by that
insufferable dude, AK Hangal (who, just as an aside, needs
to
be eliminated along with Nirupa Roy): (translations
provided).
Ajit: Seth Dharam Prashad, aapki beti hamare kabze mein
hai!
[Seth Dharam Prashad, your daughter is in my nefarious
hands!]
Seth: Hullo, hullo, kaun bol raha hai?
[Hullo, hullo, who is this?]
Ajit: Pyaar se log
mujhe tayllipphone kehte hain!
[People affectionately call me tayllipphone!]
(Damn, it loses a certain charm in the translation.)
====
Amitabh B has got out of jail and is bent on finding and
beating
up Ajit (who goes by the name JJ in this movie). He calls
JJ:
(direct translations provided).
Amitabh: JJ, main abhi
abhi jail se nikla hoon!
[JJ, I now now jail from exited have!]
Ajit (JJ): Haan, kaho to phir andhar bhijva doon?
[Yes, say if again inside I send shall?]
====
Hope you enjoy this TOOTI PHOOTI Hindi / English!
The movie is Jaane Bhi Do Yaaro:
The funniest line in the film was probably when Naseeruddin
Shah
takes over the role of Duryodhana in the MABHARATA play and
says
"Meine Draupadi
ka cheer-haran ka idea DROP kar diya hai"
(I've dropped the idea of denuding Draupadi )
(Prem!'s officious comment: )
(Personally, I think Om Puri had the best line in that
scene. Om
Puri )
(has taken over Bhim's role (gada-dhaari Bhim, no less! :-)
and is FOR )
(stripping Draupadi, while Duryodhan (Naseeruddin?) is
AGAINST it... )
(
)
(When Yudhishtir, played by some sidey actor tries to stop
Draupadi )
((who is played by Satish Shah's dead body, (don't ask me
why!)) from )
(being stripped of "her" clothes, and Om Puri (Bhim) roughs up this )
(Yudhishtir dude saying:
)
( "Abey Oy,
tu kaun hota hai bolne waala, )
( ham bhi to
Draupadi mein shareholderrr hai!" )
( *end
of Prem!'s comment* )
====
How about other gems from the movie:
1. Om Puri trying to help Satish Shah's "old
car." In fact it is his
dead body in a coffin, which Om Puri mistook for an old car
which
has got its tyre punctured. The best line in the whole
episode was
"Ek Sharabi sharabi ke kaam nahin ayega to kaun
ayega"
(If one drunkard doesn't help another drunkard, then who
else will?)
( Yetanudder comment from Prem! with prem... )
( How could your forget the other line by Om Puri (who is
totally drunk))
( "Kaun si modddel hai? Oh ho, Sport car hai, arrey apni )
( to Austin gaddi hai, eh heh, old ij goldd, eh bhai?" )
2. Naseeruddin Shah goes to Satish Shah as a photographer
from Times. He
is eating cake. Ravi Baswani signals Naseeruddin Shah to
throw some cake
outside so that he can relish it too. Here comes the best
one-liner from
NS "Amrika mein kehte hein - thoda khao, thoda
pheko."
(NS is telling Satish Shah that it is said in the USA,
one should eat
some and throw some)
3. While eulogizing Satish Shah, "Woh gutter ke liye
jiye, aur gutter ke
liye mare. Woh kaha
karte the ki kisi desh ki unnati uske gutter se jani
jati hai. Unhone apni
sari jindgi gutter mein gujar di."
(He lived for gutter, and he died for gutter. He used to
say that the
progress of a country can be measured by its gutters. He
spent all his
life in gutters.)
4. Then this scene in which Ravi
thinks the heroine (sorry, forgot the name)
has come to be photographed, and explained to her that he
will take such
a good photo that she will instantly become a top model.
The dialogue ends
with a slap from heroine. Then while Ravi
is searching for the photographs
she had earlier asked them to develop, Naseeruddin Shah
comes in the shop
and he also thinks that she wants to be photographed. the
whole scene is
repeated. It was hilarious. Ravi
trying to tell NS that she is not what NS
thinks, but everytime NS just shuts him up.
5. The scene in which the two had gone in search of the
dead body in the
night. Ravi Baswani is terribly afraid. He wants to search
in the area
where he is sure there is no dead body.
( Prem!'s comments again...
)
( One of the other alltime memorable lines in this movie
was when Om Puri )
( (Ahuja) finds out that Satish Shah (D'Mello) has double
crossed him, )
( he (om puri) storms out of the room with his (om puri's
:-) lungi )
( hitched up, screaming in a thick Panjaabi accent: )
( "Oye DeeMello,
Tu to gaya" )
I would strongly recommend the movie to everyone. Among
other comedies,
Angoor (Sanjiv Kumar, based on Comedy of Errors) and
Shaukeen (Ashok Kumar,
Hangal and Utpall Dutt) are recommended. Any other comedies
that netters
would recommend??
----
Raaj Kumar: Jaani, hum
tumhe aisa nahi karne denge...
----
Amitabh Bachchan:
Nazar utha ke dekh Gabbar. Tere sar pe maut mandalaa
rahee hai!
----
Ravi : Jitendra
Maa :
Nirupa Roy
Foto : Om prakash
Ravi: Maa, Tumhaare
aasheervaad se main aaj B.A. FIRST class mein
pass ho gaya
hoon.
[ Mom, your cool_dude son graduated today ]
[ Guess what ?! In first class ]
Maa : Bahuth khushee ki baath hai beta. Le, yeh parshaad kha le.
[ Son, that's really impressive. Thulp this parshaad ]
[Roy
goes to the Foto of Om prakash, that is hanging on the wall]
Dekho ji. Aaj apke
beta ne aap ki baath nibhaya hai.
[ Look hubby, your son the cool dude, what a shot !]
[ Roy
to her son ]
Beta ... Ek achchi si naukari doond le Aur,
Jaldi se ek Bahuraani
bhi le aaa
[ Son, how about cashing a job and closing on a female ? ]
Ravi: Maa ... uummnn
... Bahu rani tho my dhoond hee liya
hai.
[ Geez, closed on a girl already ]
Maa :
SSsaachchc?^#!@*&! Kaun hai beta vo
khush kismat valee ?
[ Really !, who's that babe ? ]
Ravi: Seth Gangaram ki beti,
Asha.
[ ddaannn ...dddaaann .... music in the background
and a face full of *%$*( of Nirupa Roy in the foreground ]
The rest of it is left to your imagination.
The saga continues...
Maa: BETAA!!! Yeh
mujhse tu kis janam ka badla le raha hai!?
(Sonny, whatcha screwing up my happiness for?)
Ravi: MAA, tu kyaa keh rahee
hai?
(Duh?!?!)
Maa: Beta, yeh wohi Seth Gangaram hai jisne tere pitaajee
kaa
khoon karvayaa thaa! (BACKGROUND musicians go CRAZY!)
(You little twerp, this was the same jerk who knocked up
(errr...off) your daddy-jee)
Ravi: Kya!?
Member of Audience: Abbe saale, sunaaee nahi deta tereko!?
(Oh, brother-in-law, can't you hear?)
Ravi: Maa, yeh tu kyaa keh
rahi hai?
(Writer's Interjection: Our Hero is not exactly PhD
material.)
Maa: Beta, bees saal pehle ke baat hai...
(Son, this happened 20 years ago...)
Ravi: Yeh, yeh mom get on
with it. I've heard that before...
(Haan, haan maa aur kuch bolo. Yeh maine sab suna hua hai...)
Maa: (STARTS SOBBING HYSTERICALLY) Beta, beta yeh tu kya
keh raha hai...
Audience Member 2: Arre yaar yeh to phir rone lagee!!!
(Geez man this woman started all over again)
Other Members: MAARO MAARO ISSE!!!
(Kill her, Kill her)
SO we Finally get rid of Ms. Roy. Thanks once again to the
mob
mentality. Who said mob mentality was all bad!!
----
THE SCENE...
Hema malini(Basanthi) on tonga is being chased by four
dakaits
on ghodes...
Basanthi - Chal Dhano!
Aaj theri
basanthi ki izzhat ka saval hei
Dhano - Arain
Basanthi agar tere peeche char daku hein to mere
peeche bhi char ghode hain.Meri izzhat ka bhi saval hei.
----
From Sholay, Amitabh Bachchan to Hema Malini: "Tera
naam kya hai, Basanti?"
this should be followed by "Mera naam Basanti hai
!!"
then amitabh says in his typical style: "Pehli baar
suna"
----
How adout the following from the evergreen Prem Chopra
(repeated umpteen times in the movie.)
"Mein woh bala hu jo sishe se pathar todta hoon."
(Prem!'s comment: )
(
)
( and the other one which I am already quite tired of
hearing, )
(
)
( "Prem... Prem naam hai mera, Prem
Chopra" )
( )
-----------
How about this one from Zanjeer?
The hero has just landed in Ajit's (big) 'bungla' to remind
him of
what happened 20 years ago. And Ajit goes,
"Aao Vijay, Baito aur hamaare saath ek iscotch piyo.
Hum
tumhe kha todi jaayenge. Vaise
bhi hum vegetarian hain!!"
------------
The dialogues are from Amitabh movies.
AB: Muche ho to nathulal jaisi ho varna na ho.
(muche = moustache -
Prem!'s translation service)
AB: Meri zindagi ka tambu teen bambu pe khada hai sharab,
shayari aur aap.
AB: Aadmi zindagi mein sirf do hi baar bhagta hai, ya to
olympic ka race
ho ya police ka case ho.
----
I remember one dialogue from Kalicharan, here goes...
Shatrughan Sinha :- [ reacting to unusual nicety by
Premnath ]
"D.S.P. Saab aaj kya naag panchami hai?"
Premnath :- [
Surprised ] Nahi to?
Shatrughan Sinha :- To phir aap is naag ko doodh kyo pila
rahe hai?
----
(Asjeet seems to have gone back to Sholay here... Prem!)
Dh: When I
die, Police coming. Police coming,
Buddiya going jail.
In jail, Buddiya Chakki Peesing and Peesing and Peesing....
G1: Are
bhabhi, jara haan kar do nan, Yeh to marne ja raha hai.
Basanti's
mother: Are kaise
haan kar doon, Dinanath ji!!.
G1: To phir
usay marne dogi kya?
B's m: Accha
theek hai, Veeru, Main thaiyar hoon.
Main thaiyar hoon!!.
Dh: Are
thumse kown shadhi karega buddiya,
main tho Basanti se shadhi karna chahtha hoon.
Basanti: Veeru,
main bhi thaiyar hoon.
Dh: Chalo,
Basanti thaiyar hai. Buudiya bhi thaiyar
hai,
Main neechay uthartha hoon.
----
This dialogue is from the movie Namak Halaal. I hope I do
justice to it.
The scene is the one in which Amitabh is introduced to
Ranjeet by Ram Sethi
for the first time in the movie.
Ranjeet: Yeh sab to theek hai, magar angrezi vangrezi aati
hai ya nahi.
Amitabh: E lo kar lo
baat. Are
aisi angrezi ave hain ke I can leave angrez
behind. I can talk english, I can walk english, I can laugh
english,
because english is a funny language. Bhairon becomes barren
and
barren becomes Bhairon because their minds are very narrow.
In the
year 1929 when India
was playing Australia at the
melbourne
stadium
Vijay Hazare and Vijay Merchant were at the crease. Vijay
Merchant
told Vijay Hazare. look Vijay Hazare, this is a very
prestigious
match and we must consider it very prestigiously. We must
take this
into consideration, the consideration that this is an
important match
and ultimately this consideration must end in a run.
Ranjeet: O.K., O.K.
Amitabh: In the year 1979 when Pakistan
was playing against India
at the
Wankhade stadium Wasim Raja and Wasim Bari were at the
crease and
they took the same consideration. Wasim Raja told Wasim
Bari, look
Wasim Bari, we must consider this consideration and
considering that
this is an important match we must put this consideration
into action
and ultimately score a run. And both of them considered the
consideration and ran and both of them got out.
Ranjeet: O shut up.
----
Villian's Hechman: Boss, Rita (the heroine) bhaag gayee...
(Boss, Rita's escaped.)
Villian: Jaao uska peecha karo! (Go! Follow her!)
Gabbar Singh's Twist: Jaao unkaa peechaa karo, aur khaalee
haath mut
anaa haramzaadon!!
(Follow them, and don't come back empty-handed, you
bastards.)
----------
Heroine to Villian: Kutte, kameene; chhod de mujhe!!
(Dog; Meanie; leave me!)
Villian: *Grunt*
(Enter) Hero:
Haraamzaade, main tera khoon pee jaaungaa!!
(Bastard, I'll drink your blood!)
-----------------
Hero to Mom (first meeting with heroine): Dekho ma main
kisse laya hoon!
(Look who I've got to meet you mom!)
Hero's mom: Aao betee, mere paas baitho...
(Come daughter, sit beside me...)
(If that happens to be Lalita Pawaar then we're treated to
her awesome
natural wink, if you get what I mean @;)
Heroine: **BLUSH** **BLUSH** *Quickly pulls ghungat (veil)
over her head
and touches her feet (the ma-in-law's feet that is!)*
-----------------
Old man: Bees saal pehle ki baat hai... (This happened twenty years ago...)
*Fade to flashback...*
-----------------
On similar lines:
Low life goondaa "eve-teasing" the heroine is
accosted by a mean-
looking crowd.
Man 1: Tumhaare ghar mein kyaa maa, behen nahi hai?
(Don't you have a mom or sister at home?)
Ranjeet's rejoinder: Maa, behen to hai; lekin biwi nahi
hai!
(Yeh, yeh. I have a mom and sister, but no wife!)
Audience Member: Abbe maaro saale ko!!
(O you, beat-up the brother-in-law!!)
-------
(
)
(We now interrupt this program for some commercial messages
--- Prem! :-)
((These are also from Asjeet's collection. Not my creations.) )
Some Indian Commercials:
Nirma Washing Powder
--------------------
Woman: Nirma! Washing powder Nirma. Dood see safedee Nirma
se Aaye.
Rangeen kapdon mein khil khil jaaye. Sub ki pasand Nirma!
Washing powder Nirma, washing powder Nirma. NIRMA!!
(Aurat: Nirma! Dhone ka saabun Nirma. White as milk from
Nirma.
Colorful clothes blossom blossom. Everyone's choice Nirma!
Dhone ka saabun Nirma, blah blah Nirma. NIRMA!)
Vicco Vujradunti Ayurvadic Cream
--------------------------------
Woman: Badde naazon
se paalee hamaaree banno. Tujhe dulhan banaye
(sings) re pyaaree banno. Tujhe haldi ka
something-or-the-other lagaayen
sakheeaan. Teri kaya
ko komal banaye sakheeaan. Teri sakheeaan
are getting carried away singing and dancing...
(Aurat: My daughter, I have raised you with immense care
and at great
personal sacrifices to me. I have kept you away from all
those
sleaze-bag boyfriends of yours. So let your pals take this
opportunity to put a lot of gooey stuff on your arms, legs
and
face (since we can't show anything else on Doordarshan
(TV)).)
O. K. Saabun (Soap)
-------------------
Scene 1: Two men cycling together and discussing world
affairs....
Man 1 : Arre yeh toe bahut bada hai! Zaroor mehnga hoga!
(Hey, this toe is really big @:) (Should be kinda
expensive)
Man 2: Nahi yaar!
Bilkul mehenga nahi hai. Naha ke toe dekh!!
(No friend. No way!! It aint expensive. Bathe your toe and
see @:)
Scene 2: Man 2 in the shower with a gulaabee (pink) OK soap
in his hand...
Background Music and Voice:
Joe OK say nahae kamal sa khil jaaye. OK
nahaane ka badaa saabun.
(If Joe bathes with OK soap, he'll blossom like no ones
business.
OK is the BIG bathing soap.)
Voiceover: Company's-name-deleted Utpaadan (Product).
--------------------------
( BACK to the dialogues... )
Heroine: Mein tumhaare bachche ki maa banane waalee hun!
(I'm going to become your kid's mother)
Hero: Kya!? (With a I'm-in-deep-shit-now look) (What?!)
Hero's Mother/Father:
Yeh lo pachchaas hazaar rupaih aur mere bete ko bhool jao.
(Here, take these fifty thousand ruppees and leave our son
alone.)
Heroine's Father/Mother:
Kullachchini, maine
tujhe issi liye paal-pos ke badaa kiya thaa ke
tu mujhe yeh din dekhaaye?!
(Woman-from-a-lousy-family-tree, did I raise you to show me
this day?)
Mom: Kalmoohi! Maine
tujhe issi din dekhne ne liye paidaa kiya thaa!
Ke tu mere peeth peechey gulcharrey udhatee phirre!?
(Black face! Did I
give birth to you to show me this day!
That behind my back you fly flower-shots around!?)
Girl: Ma! Main Martandya se pyaar kartee hun!
(Mother! I love Martandya)
Boy: Hum ek doosrey ko jee-jaan se chahatey hain...!
(We love one another with our heart-life)
Dad: Haraamzaadey!
Teri itni himmat! Meri beti par dorey daalta
hai! Teri haesiyat he
kya hai?
(Bastard! Your that many guts!
You're putting ropes around
my daughter! What is your social standing after all?)
Raaj Kumar: Arre jaani, jaane bhi do. Do pyaar bharey dil
hain. Gulcharrey
nahi udhaengey to kya world affairs discuss karengey kya?
(Oh lively one, let it be. Two love filled hearts these
are.
If they don't fly flower-shots what do you expect them to
do -- discuss world affairs?)
==================================
Utpal's dialogues too are equally lively!.
>Dwaraka
>dwaraka@nova.eng.wayne.edu
"National dress ka mazak nahin uda-oge to broad
minded kaise kehloage?" ....in Gol Maal
in which Utpal Dutt wants his daughter
> in law to be a
villager and Deepti Naval (who's a doctor) cons him into
> believing that
she's an authentic gawar village belle? It was hilarious.
> Arun
>
Most probably the name of the movie is' Kisise Na Kahena'If
it is, then in the
same movie Utpal Dutt went to see bride for his son(Farouq
Sheikh), the
conversation is as follows;
The girl asked "rock ka bare me aap ka keya kheyal
hai?"
She meant music.
Utpal Dutt replied " rock ka bare me to mere
jaankari jada nehi
hai. mera buisness dusra hai"
----
Amitabh in Coolie (?)
: .. jis par pad jaye ek bhee hath
uska bache na ek bhi
baal.
isliye naam hai mera
iqbal.....
----
Kadar Khan : .. sheeshe ko sheesha kat ta hai,
lohe ko loha kat ta
hai,
tujhe paagal kutta katega ....
----
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